Living with ADHD can be hard, and it’s easy to become overwhelmed by self-criticism and shame. Especially when you have probably been shamed and criticized by others most of your life as a neurodivergent person. Many of the behaviors you can’t help have likley been treated as deliberate by your family, friends and society. This then becomes and internalized and self critical voice.
Fortunately, studies have found that self-compassion is a powerful tool that can help us manage ADHD. Self-compassion involves showing yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would extend to a friend. It means understanding that mistakes happen, and that everyone has difficulties in life. Most importantly, self-compassion involves the willingness to forgive yourself and move on. By practicing self-compassion, people with ADHD can learn to accept themselves as they are and let go of the shame and self-doubt that can take over. But how do you actually make it happen?
There are many different ways to practice self compassion but one quick way is to start practicing phrases. Language is powerful, and using different language can begin to replace the critical self voice.
Here are some to get you started.
Learn and practice a new dialog. With phrases like:
- This is hard. I’ve tried as much as I can today.
- Everyone makes mistakes but this feels so hard for me when it happens.
- Anger (sadness,fear, loneliness) is so uncomfortable for me. It’s ok.
- I am hurting, scared lonely, angry etc and this feels hard right now.
- I did the best I can even though I see I can now make improvements. Next time I can try differently.
- I hope things get easier for myself
- I forgive myself, being angry at myself doesn’t help me to do better even though others taught me that.
